Arghhh, how could she? The embarrassing things they say...

I wrote this blog post ages ago but was too embarrassed to publish it. Then I told Jemima’s teacher who was delighted by it and said I must. So seeing as I cannot think of anything brilliant to say in its place, and that I met someone this weekend who confessed that she actually checks my blog out every day and sighs with disappointment when there is nothing new to read (she does live in Ratanakiri, bless her, so she can’t get out much), I will go ahead and publish it. This one is for you M. Now you will have to comment :-).

A few weekends ago now I was at a children’s birthday party where I knew no one other than the hosts and their children. It was a first birthday party so most of the other guests were adults. I was chatting to an extremely lovely lesbian couple and their sweet daughter who reminded me of my ten-year-old niece. Just as I was thinking how nice it would be to meet up with them again and introduce them to James, Jemima decided to announce, loudly and quite out of the blue, to the entire party:

“My daddy likes to eat pussy”.

I quote her to the letter.

Arrrrgggghhhhh. I was speechless, mortified... I knew it was only a matter of time before Jemima, like all small children, said something really embarrassing in public. I had no idea how crucifying it would be.

What was the best response? Should I pretend I had not heard or try to explain? Would they believe me? Of course I was the only one who had heard the lead up to this apparent confession. She had been thinking aloud (not aloud enough, damn it) of things that would be silly for her Daddy to eat, and having gone through her teddy, doll, the sofa, naturally she progressed to Pussy. Our Pussy. Sophie-Anna to be exact. You know, the poor cat that was mauled by our neighbours’ dogs. (Read about that here).

Probably the cleverest thing to do in this instance was to have pleaded ignorance, but instead I burst into nervous laughter - I know, a sure sign of complicity – and then made it all worse by repeating what she had said. Don’t ask me why. Reason escaped me at that moment. And James’s good name remains sullied to this day.

It is bad enough when our children embarrass us by saying “Poo!” or “I don’t like her” in public. But what do we do when their comments could be construed as some sort of political incorrectness on our part? “Look at that lady’s fat tummy!” Or worse, outright racism? My three-year old nephew refused to sit down next to a man on the train. The man was very old and wizened with a long, straggly beard, the kind of face from which any child who has heard enough fairy tales will naturally shy away. He also happened to be black. What could my sister possibly say in response to “I don’t want to sit down next to that horrid black man?” that would not have made it far, far worse?

“Oh I am so sorry. It is not that you are black. He’s just a little scared of your scraggy, old beard and wrinkly skin!”

Does anyone have any great ploys which will make our children’s embarrassing comments weigh less heavily in the air, or do I need to learn to just smile and bite my tongue? I look forward to hearing your stories!